It's New? It's Old? Whatever, I'm still me

Or are happy memories there to make you miserable knowing that you'll never have that feeling again as long as you shall live?

I hate it when something trigger the tears, not because it hurts so very much to picture you in my head, it's because it's almost impossible to stop; if it wasn't because of exhaustion, I could go on the entire night. I'm almost relieved that crying makes me sleepy, makes me desperate to close my eyes and let the world fade with it - if only it could be permanent.

It's probably clear that I'm still in denial, too scared to face the truth, the truth that you'll never come back to me, the truth that still stings my eyes and creates a lump in my throat whenever it crosses my mind. There's only so much I can do in not thinking, how can I block out these memories when they have been the things I've been living with since I was born? Everywhere I look, I can see things that reminds me of you, everything.....

The ache I felt last night was overwhelming, almost putting a halt to the beating of my heart, my desperation to, but the coward in me can't do so. Despite futile attempts at lying there with eyes wide open and waiting for pain to subside, it never works, it will never work. As long as I breathe, the pain will be there, excruciating as ever, worst than the worst migrain I've ever had...